This whole upheaval started when my dad had heart surgery and afterward was unable to jump back into his already organized life. I became the “Curator to his Life”. As shocking as it was to others, it was even more shocking to me. I was the one with the responsibility of another life, a complete person, and one that was not a child. This person had a memory bank full of desires, hopes, abilities, wishes and a driving force of will power that wanted to be whole and independent, and in no way wanted to be weak or in need of help. In all seriousness that was a big load just placed on my shoulders with me not knowing, expecting, or wanting it in any way. But it started out slow and manifested into the whole shebang.
I became my father’s keeper learning as I went along, keeping my dad’s health in the forefront and an eye on his dignity. In the end, it all worked out. Did I know that at the time? No. But I just kept doing and learning then doing some more. Along the way I wrote down things that shocked me, helped me and hurt me plus all things from my heart, which helped me create this book and blog. I hope it will help you so you can prevail during this time of change, challenges and never ending love for another.
My New Story
Once the shock of the situation sank into my brain, where I could sit and think I can honestly say – There was nothing in my mind for me to think about. I drew an absolute blank on how to take care of my dad. There were no past experiences that I could tap into, there were no past skills that I could draw information from. There was no recall from lessons taken on aging. There were no family or friends who had been through this for me to ask endless questions. There were no books that I had read on parent-care. There was absolutely nothing. The fear factor of “Not Knowing” was at a level I couldn’t handle considering – I had absolutely no prior knowledge to recall. I was scared to death. As many people do I had a meltdown, complete with rapid breathing, crying, racing thoughts, huge anxiety, accompanied with a few screaming matches with no one. It was all there.
What was next? I had no clue. What I did was move forward. That was my only choice. Moving forward. That’s all I could do and This is what I figured out: Where there is an empty blank space with no knowledge, there is an opportunity to fill that space with new knowledge, which I did. I started from a place of not knowing a thing and I learned as I went along. I learned how to handle anything that came up. I learned to trust myself when it came to taking care of my dad, and I also learned how to accept my ever changing dad who simply got old, and was in need of my help. I also remembered to shower him with love through all of his changes, because I knew this was his last chapter.
Categories: Caregiver Helping others Parent Senior
